Too Little, Too Late
by delikado
Summary: Set after Caleb's party, then it sort of takes off from there...
1. All The Stars Were Falling

**Too Little, Too Late**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, though it would be nice to own a piece of Ryan :-)**

**---**

**Chapter 1**

"You're too late."

Marissa slammed the front door of her house and walked quietly to her father's office, not wanting to wake her father who was sleeping in the guest bedroom. She didn't need to turn the light on; she knew exactly what she was looking for. The Louis XIV cabinet gleamed slightly in the moonlight as she opened the doors to reveal a bottle filled with smoky amber liquid. Despite her shaky hands, she filled a glass and took a big gulp, sighing in relief at the warm sensation that was making its way down from her throat to her belly. She had promised herself that she would get her drinking under control, but right now was no time for control. 

She had lost her virginity tonight, and she wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry.

She sipped thoughtfully from her glass as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Her first instinct after leaving Luke's house was to bathe, to cleanse herself of the dirty feeling their actions had left on her. But now, all she felt was numbness. Beautiful, exquisite numbness, courtesy of her father's 20-year-old single malt scotch whiskey. All Marissa wanted to do was forget, but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see were the night's events playing over and over in her mind.

_My life used to be so simple,_ she thought, _maybe a little too simple. Still, it was comfortable... Why did everything have to change? Why did my dad have to steal all that money? Why did Luke have to get shot? Why did the Cohens have to adopt...Ryan?_

Tears blurred her vision as her thoughts went to the one person she never wanted to think about again. Remembering the sight of that beautiful, older woman wrapped in an embrace with Ryan made her heart tighten a little bit more. Marissa went to the pool house with every intention of confessing her feelings to him, only to discover that she had already been replaced. She thought he would be different, but now she realized that Ryan was just like all the others. 

So she gave to Luke what she thought would be Ryan's: her body, which was the only thing she had left to give. It wasn't quite so unbearable, although at times she felt like she was somewhere else. It helped to hear Luke say that he loved her, even though she knew about Holly and the other girls, and even if she didn't love him back. She was a fool to think that love was possible, anyway.

She rummaged though her make-up bag, locating the small bottle of pills she had bought from some kid in school. She swallowed a handful of the little white pills with the last of the scotch and lay her head down on her pillow, wishing that she could just disappear. And forget.

---

"You're too late."

Ryan stood outside Marissa's front door, still not sure how he was going to react to her statement. Suddenly, he felt more lost than he ever did in Chino. 

He knew that she wouldn't want to talk to him, but the last thing he expected was to see her come home from god knows where, with her hair mussed and her dress wrinkled. She didn't look hurt, but her eyes told him otherwise. And the fact that he was a major contributor to that hurt didn't make him feel any better.

Seeing Marissa arrive at the party with Luke was difficult, and was part of the reason why he returned Gabby's advances. It was a mistake, allowing Gabby to do the things she did, but he couldn't let her shoulder all of the blame. He had kissed her back, removed her dress, and if Marissa hadn't walked in on them, they probably would've done a whole lot more. But what else was he supposed to do? Any guy his age would be either crazy or impotent to turn down an offer from a woman like Gabby. And from Marissa's actions, it seemed clear to him that she had made her choice, and it wasn't Ryan Atwood. He couldn't spend the rest of his life waiting for something that's never going to happen, now could he?

After one last look at Marissa's bedroom window, he walked back into the pool house, frustrated, knowing that he was trying to find justification for his actions, when there was none. He wished she had given him time to explain, to make her understand, but maybe she was right when she said that it was too late. He was a fool to believe that a girl like Marissa would ever be happy with a guy like him, anyway. 

Ryan lay down on his bed, wondering if he was ever going to feel like he belonged in this strange place. He reached underneath his bed for a dark towel, and brought it to his nose. It was the towel he had used to dry off Marissa a few nights ago, and it still held some of her scent. He held it close, reluctantly admitting to himself that he would never again be able to hold her the way he did that night. He finally closed his eyes, and later on that night dreamt of a beautiful princess who smelled of lilies and rain, who lived in a glass castle that was too far for him to reach.

---

Ryan's dreams were interrupted by the sound of Seth's voice that seemed to be coming from far away. He groggily opened his eyes, and checked the alarm clock next to his bed. _5:35 a.m._ In his confusion, he could see that Seth was trying to tell him something, but all he could hear was the siren of an ambulance. He struggled to sit up and only then did he understand what Seth was saying.

"It's Marissa. Her dad found her unconscious in her room. They think she tried to kill herself."


	2. Do You Sleep Anymore?

The lights from the ambulance were flashing brightly in the still-dark sky as Ryan rushed out of the pool house. He was well acquainted with emergency lights, having grown up in areas where such vehicles were more commonplace than ice cream trucks. He'd seen so much, maybe too much in his short life: gun shots, domestic abuse, rape, so as he turned the corner to look into Marissa's driveway, he felt sure that he wasn't going to be surprised by anything he was going to see.

But nothing had prepared Ryan for the sight of Marissa lying on a stretcher, looking as pale and limp as a rag doll. His heart froze in fear that maybe the paramedics were too late, but he met eyes with her father, who silently communicated that they had gotten to her in time. Ryan acknowledged the message, both men visibly shaken as they watched the EMTs wheel Marissa's lifeless body into the ambulance. Ryan's first instinct was to run to her, to reassure her and himself that she would be okay, but her family was standing close by and he didn't think they'd want him there. He wrapped his arms around his chilled body and watched the ambulance speed away, wishing he could be sitting with her instead of standing helpless in the driveway.  

"So, uh, I'm sorry about Marissa. I can't believe she would try something as crazy as this."

Ryan spun around to see Seth standing behind him, clearly as shocked as he was. He didn't know what to say in response; he only knew that he had to do something, anything, to keep himself from going insane. He lit a cigarette that he got from his back pocket and took a long, hard drag.

"Do you think we should do something?" Seth asked moments later, "You know, like go to the hospital?"

Ryan shook his head and smiled ruefully. "I don't think Marissa would want me there. It would probably be better if I just stay away from her completely."

"Jeez, man! Enough with the melodrama already! I thought you and Marissa were getting along okay now… She totally digs you, and I'm sure she'd be really happy to see you at the-"

Ryan threw the smoldering cigarette on the ground and stomped on it hard. "I really, honestly don't think that would be such a good idea. I'm tired; I'm going back to the pool house." He walked past Seth, fully intending to find some liquor and drinking himself into a coma. What did his mother always used to say? _"Reality is so much easier to live with when you're unconscious."_ A pained smile crept up his face at the thought of his mother. How ironic it seemed that he would ever take any of her advice.

---

Momentarily taken aback by his harsh tone, Seth watched Ryan walk back to the house like nothing was out of the ordinary. This wasn't at all how he thought Ryan would react to the news of Marissa being rushed to the hospital, and he was determined to find out what was up. Recalling that he didn't see Ryan after his grandfather's party, he began formulating theories in his overly imaginative head. He suddenly had a feeling that there was more to it than what his new brother was telling him.

He wandered into the pool house, surprised to find Ryan sitting at the bar, taking big gulps from a bottle of beer. He walked around the bar to discover several six-packs of beer, as well as an assortment of liquor, which his mother presumably forgot to remove after Ryan moved in. _Drinking as the sun comes up,_ he thought to himself, _nothing classier than that._ He grabbed a beer and sat at the bar next to Ryan. "When my mom said this place needed some warmth, I didn't realize she meant the warmth that comes with being in a drunken stupor. Sure you don't want some Cap'n Crunch instead?"

"I'm really not in the mood for company right now, Seth." That wasn't entirely true, but Ryan didn't want to have to tell Seth how he had managed to mess everything up with Marissa. He needed time to think, as well as drink. But then again, it's never a good thing to drink on your own. He took a swig from his beer and waited to Seth to ask the inevitable questions.

"Dude, you know that whole tough guy thing doesn't scare me. We're brothers now; if you kick my ass, you'll be grounded, and while it's no juvie, it's still no fun." Seth took a drink from his bottle as well, wondering if he looked as tough as Ryan did. "So, are you going to tell me what happened, or will I have to pull some Japanese torture tactics on you?" He eyed Ryan expectantly, curious as to what could be troubling him.

Ryan returned Seth's gaze, wondering how he would react to everything that happened at his grandfather's party. He knew that Seth would be cool about everything, but there was still some fear that Seth would think less of him somehow if he knew about Gabby. But at this point, he really didn't have anything left to lose.

Seth listened patiently to Ryan's recount of the previous night's events, miraculously managing not to interrupt at any point. When Ryan was done, Seth was speechless for a moment, before exclaiming, "Ryan, that was awesome. I can't believe you made out with my grandmother!" At Ryan's discouraged glance, he quickly switched gears. "Uh, I mean, that really sucks about Marissa. The girl needs to learn how to knock, but I guess that's besides the point… I really thought things were going to work out for you two. God knows you've been sending each other enough smoldering looks since you got here." He reached over the counter to grab another beer. "But you can't just give up, you know. Marissa's lying in a hospital bed somewhere, and there must be something you can do to help her. Regardless of what happened between the two of you last night, Marissa needs you." _And I think you need her, too, _Seth almost said, but decided to keep to himself. No reason to get all sappy over some beer.

Ryan began peeling the label off of his beer bottle, trying to forget the look on Marissa's face when she discovered him in bed with Gabby. He would give anything to be able to turn back the clock, but he knew that there was no point in hoping for the impossible. Still, something inside him agreed with Seth, he couldn't just give up. She may never want to see him again, but he still wanted her to know that his feelings for her haven't changed. Maybe then she'd give him a chance to explain. _Just one chance is all I need, Marissa. Don't give up on me yet._


	3. Hiding Inside Herself

_"...we found large amounts of Valium and alcohol in her system…"_

_"...any idea where she could have obtained it..."_

_"...perhaps consider some time in the psychiatric ward..."_

_"...want her to come home as possible..."_

It all felt like a dream. Marissa heard strange, muffled voices as she blinked her eyes open, and she initially felt disoriented, not recognizing her surroundings. Only after looking around did she realize that she was in a hospital, again. After much effort, she managed to turn her head to see several large machines next to her bed beeping and flashing numbers she didn't understand. She struggled to remember the events that led to her arrival here, but she could only remember getting out of Luke's car and seeing Ryan in her driveway. _Ryan,_ she thought,_ what have I done? _

Then it all came crashing down on her: the party, Ryan in the pool house with that woman, losing her virginity to Luke, and finally taking her sleeping pills. Is that why she was here? She could've sworn she had only taken a few, no more than she had taken in the past… Fear gripped her as she considered the possibilities. There was no doubt in her mind that she would get into trouble for buying it illegally. Didn't someone mention going to a psychiatric ward? Surely her father would never let that happen, and besides, she wasn't crazy. What's wrong with needing a little help falling asleep? 

Her thoughts were interrupted when her father entered her room, looking extremely tired and anxious. Marissa half-hoped that her mother would be behind him, but like always, Julie Cooper was nowhere to be found.

"Hi Dad." she murmured weakly, her throat feeling dry and bruised.

Jimmy looked up in alarm, his face immediately lighting up at the sound of Marissa's voice. He rushed to her side, thankful that his daughter had finally woken up. 

"No sweetie, try not to speak too loud right now. They pumped your stomach when you arrived in the emergency room last night, and the doctor said your throat would be a little sore for a few days." He brushed her hair aside, wishing he knew what to do. "But are you feeling okay otherwise?"

"I'm fine, Daddy, just a little tired." Marissa wanted to ask her father about what the doctor said, but she didn't have to courage, afraid that her father had agreed to send her away. "Are Mom and Caitlin here?"

Jimmy shook his head, "They were here earlier, but Caitlin was getting antsy, so your mom took her to the mall." 

Marissa forced a smile, knowing that her father was lying. Julie rarely visited hospitals, always saying that the smell made her feel nauseous. Truth was that she never cared enough to come. 

"Honey, about what happened last night…" Jimmy began uncomfortably, the words of the doctor still weighing on his mind. "Did you want to talk about it? You know you can always talk to me if you have any problems."

Shame washed over Marissa as she looked at her father's watery eyes. She had always been able to talk to him in the past; when did that change? It felt like so many things were changing in her life, but she just couldn't keep up. She longed to tell him everything, to confess all of her sins, but deep down she knew that he wouldn't understand. Maybe no one could.

"I know, Daddy, but I don't really feel like talking about it right now," she whispered, "I just want to go home."

Jimmy watched her face close up, wondering when his baby had turned into a woman who was clearly going through so much pain. "The doctor said you should be okay to come home by tomorrow morning. I promise I'll get you back in your own bed as soon as I can." He kissed her softly on her forehead, hoping she didn't see the uncertainty in his eyes. 

In an effort to lighten the mood, he put on a smile, "By the way, you have some visitors waiting outside. It's Seth Cohen, and Ryan, from next door. Did you want me to call them in?"

---

He never liked the smell of hospitals. It always reminded Ryan of the many times he had to bring his mother to the emergency room for alcohol poisoning and drug overdoses. Seeing someone you care about getting carted off in a gurney is bad, but waiting for the doctor to come out with news of the patient is much worse. Each time he sat in that waiting room, he was sure he was never going to see his mother again, but somehow she always managed to pull through, only to be back where she was in a matter of days.

The glass doors automatically opened as Ryan and Seth entered the Jennato Memorial Hospital a few hours after Marissa was rushed there by ambulance. _So,_ Ryan thought to himself, _this is where rich people go when they're sick._ The entrance looked like a 5-star hotel lobby, and classical music wafted pleasantly from hidden speakers. The high ceilings and stained glass windows seemed more appropriate for a renaissance church, but the atmosphere seemed to relax the patients lounging on the plush sofas. Seth interrupted Ryan's survey with Marissa's room number.

Nearly eight hours later, Seth was fast asleep on a lounger and Ryan was re-reading, yet again, an ancient copy of _National Geographic._ They had left the hospital only twice since they arrived, and both times were due to Seth's complaints about being hungry and refusing the eat the "slop they serve in the cafeteria downstairs." Ryan repeatedly told Seth to go home without him, which led to many Seth-speeches about brotherhood and being part of a team. It was enough to make a person think that they were starring in an after school special instead of sitting in a hospital waiting room.

But despite all of his efforts to appear calm, Ryan was scared by how Marissa's life had suddenly become so similar to his mother's. He had overheard the conversations Jimmy Cooper had with Marissa's doctor, and if those conversations were any indication, Marissa could potentially spend a lot more time in this hospital. The doctor mentioned that she had overdosed on Valium, a prescription drug Ryan recognized as one of the many in his mother's personal pharmaceutical collection. What was Marissa doing with Valium? He strained his ears to catch more of the conversation, but he still didn't know if Marissa had really tried to kill herself, or if it was all just an accident.

He stared at the door of her hospital room, wondering if she would ever wake up. Jimmy had been inside for almost half an hour, and surely that meant she was okay. All Ryan wanted to do was see her, maybe try to explain his actions, and leave. If she decided she never wanted to see him again, that would just have to be something he'd learn to live with. He made his mistakes last night; he knew by now that there was no point trying to escape punishment.

The door opened slowly, and Ryan said a quick prayer, hoping that God hadn't forgotten about him yet. Jimmy exited the room, still looking tired but with a small smile on his face.

"She's awake, so if you boys want to go inside and say hello, she said that would be fine." Jimmy reached for his wallet and pointed in the direction of the cafeteria. "I'm just going to grab a cup of coffee and something to eat while you're keeping her company."

Ryan stood up, not sure what to say but managing to blurt out a quiet "thank you" to Jimmy. Seth finally woke up, and after hearing the news, decided to let Ryan go in ahead without him.

"Maybe it would be better if you went in first, you know, get a little more time to talk to her one-on-one." Seth knew that Ryan would refuse, but he definitely didn't want to be in that room while Ryan and Marissa made googly-eyes at each other. He imagined that Ryan had some things to say to Marissa, and it would probably be pretty awkward if he was hanging around in the corner. 

Ryan looked at him in disbelief, not entirely sure he could go in there by himself. "What the hell are you going to do out here by yourself?"

"I don't know," Seth shrugged, "Maybe I can ask Mr. Cooper for some investment advice or something. Okay, that was a bad joke. Or wait, maybe I can raid the other waiting rooms for magazines that were printed in the last decade." Seth gave Ryan an encouraging push towards the door. "Come on, don't worry about me. I'll be right here when you come out, I promise."

Allowing himself to be pushed, Ryan grabbed the doorknob and turned it open, trying to remember what he had planned to say to Marissa. He had spent most of the last eight hours thinking of the best way to explain what had happened last night, and he had forgotten all of it. _I guess I'll have to improvise,_ he thought as he entered the room.


	4. Miracle Gone Wrong

"Uh, sure, let them in."

Ryan, outside? Thoughts raced through Marissa's head as she watched her father leave the room. He was certainly the last person she expected to be waiting outside, but she reluctantly admitted to herself that her heart skipped a beat when she found out he was waiting outside. Somehow, she knew he'd be there, despite everything that happened between them since he arrived in Newport.

He walked inside, looking unsure as to whether he should sit or stand. Marissa's heart began beating rapidly when their eyes met, and she tried in vain to set her messy hair in order.

"Hi."

"Hi."

There was a brief moment of silence as they assessed each other, as if trying to learn what the other was thinking. Marissa motioned him to sit on the chair next to the bed and gave him a tentative smile, which he returned.

"My dad said that Seth was with you. Did he leave already?" Marissa said, desperately trying to fill in the awkward silence that was building.

"Uh, no, he's outside, looking for magazines." Ryan pretended not to notice Marissa's confused look. "He said he also wanted to talk to your dad about…some stuff." _Goddammit Atwood,_ he thought to himself,_ if she didn't think you were an idiot then, she definitely does now._

"Oh, okay."

More silence. 

"So, how are you-"

"About last night-"

They began speaking simultaneously, nervously laughing at how silly it all seemed. Ryan stood up and approached Marissa's bed, looking around the small, daintily decorated room. "You go first."

Marissa struggled to come up with something to say, trying to think of some kind of small talk-comment that would be appropriate for a situation like this. In a panic, she blurted the first thing that came to her head and immediately regretted it.

"Why are you here?"

Guilt flashed over Ryan's face before he looked away, unable to meet Marissa's questioning gaze. He felt cornered, like he didn't have a choice but to confront the issue that had been hanging over their heads for the last 24 hours. _This is why you came here, _he thought,_ don't wimp out now._

"I wanted to explain, or at least try to explain my actions last night," he began, raising his hand when Marissa tried to interrupt. "Please, you may not want to hear this, but I at least deserve a chance to make you understand."

Marissa considered his offer, wondering if any of it would make a difference. She made a choice last night that changed everything, and she didn't know if there was any way she could undo what has already been done, even if she wanted to. Still, she nodded her head, letting Ryan continue. Maybe she had some explaining to do, too.

"Thanks, I promise this won't take too much of your time." Ryan sat back down, trying to think of where to start. He looked down at his hands, knowing that he wouldn't make it if he looked at Marissa. "My life was a mess when I arrived here in Newport, and in many ways, it still is. I don't know what I'm going to do at the end of this summer, if I'm going to stay or go, because I'm still don't feel like I really belong here. You can change my clothes, my hair, but it doesn't change that fact that I'm an outsider. The Cohens have been great, but it seems like I've caused them nothing but grief since they decided to saddle themselves with me, and they are the last people I would want to burden with my troubles.  

"Throughout all this crap I've been going through, only one thing has been constant: my feelings for you. I don't know how it happened, but since we met outside your house, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I knew you were dating Luke, but I didn't even care. All I knew is that I wanted to see you, to be with you, as much I could. Then the night you came over for dinner, I thought that maybe there was a chance that you felt the way I do, but you still chose to stay with Luke in the hospital. It almost killed me when you said I didn't need to wait for you that night, but I dealt with it, because I knew that you and Luke had a past, and you needed to be there for him after he got shot. So I kept waiting, hoping that someday you'd choose me."

Ryan stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the town that didn't want him. "But you didn't. When you came to the Crab Shack a few days ago, you seemed so torn between Luke and me, but something inside me knew even then that you would choose Luke in the end. I thought I would get over it, but seeing you with Luke at the party was just too much for me to handle. It was clear to me that you had made your choice, and there was nothing I could do or say to change your mind. So I ran to the pool house and hid there, only to be discovered by Gabby. I'm not going to justify our actions, because I know what we did was wrong. I'm sorry you had to see us, but I'm not sorry for doing what we did. I just needed to feel something other than pain, even just for a brief moment."

He turned to face Marissa, surprised to see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. "I've never been so close to love before, only to have it taken away from me so quickly. But maybe I was a fool to believe you would even choose me in the first place."

Marissa took a deep breath, trying to sort out all the emotions that were tumbling through her. She never knew that his feelings so closely mirrored her own, and she realized now that she made the wrong choice. But like she said the night before, it was already too late.

"Where do we go from here?" she whispered, afraid of Ryan's answer.

"I don't know," he walked to the door, resisting the urge to beg and plead, "Maybe we should take some time to think about all this. I want to stay friends, but I don't know if we can anymore."

Marissa nodded, knowing in her heart that he was right. "Okay, so… I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yeah," Ryan shrugged noncommittally, "I'll see you around. Hope you feel better soon."

And with those ten short words, he left the room. Not long after the door clicked closed, Marissa's hands came to her face, and her sobs echoed in the cold, empty room.


	5. Embers Never Fade

"Coop, if you don't stop staring into space, we're going to be late for Chemistry, _again_."

Summer's voice pulled Marissa out of her reverie on a balmy day in October. They had just had lunch outside by the pond, where all of their other friends frequently hung out. 

"Sorry, I was just…thinking." Marissa said in apology, grabbing her backpack. "Were you just talking to Seth Cohen?"

Summer gave her a skeptical look in response. "Don't change the subject. You weren't thinking; you were daydreaming. You've been doing a lot of that lately. What's up with you?"

The pair pushed through the crush of students who were blocking the entrance to Pacific High in a rush to get to their classes on time. Marissa purposely walked faster, because she didn't want to have to answer Summer's questions. She had been thinking, no, _daydreaming_ a lot lately, but she couldn't quite admit to anyone, not even to herself, just what she was daydreaming about. It had been nearly two months since 'the incident,' and she'd had plenty things to think about since then. Her father checked her out of the hospital two days after she was rushed in, despite recommendations that she stay longer. She remembered arriving home to the sight of her mother turning her bedroom upside down looking for the pills she took, all the while reminding her that such behavior would undoubtedly make social pariahs out of them. It seemed that Julie Cooper was more concerned with their family's social standing than the health of her own daughter. But Marissa stopped caring about what her mother thought a long time ago.

Now she was back in school, and it was as though nothing had even happened. None of her friends attempted to broach the subject, and she didn't volunteer any information. She knew they talked about her behind her back, but she couldn't bring herself to worry about that when she had so many other things to worry about.

"Good afternoon class. Today we'll be discussing binary compounds and oxidation numbers…"

Marissa began to ignore the teacher's monotonous voice, knowing that she could borrow Summer's notes if she needed them. She turned her head to look out the window, watching a couple holding hands as they walked across the grass to the gymnasium. She and Luke hardly ever did that anymore, in fact she hardly saw him at all. He was always busy nowadays, preferring to spend most of his time with his stupid friends or at soccer practice. The only time he really made an effort to see her was when he wanted to have sex. Marissa grimaced inwardly, thinking about how awkward it was every time they did it. He didn't seem to know what he was doing, but thankfully it never lasted very long. She thought that things would improve after their first time, but unfortunately, it only seemed to get worse. A small part of her had begun to regret the decision she made after walking in on the scene in the pool house…

Thoughts of Ryan made Marissa blink quickly as she forced him out of her mind for the millionth time since they last spoke in the hospital. She had seen him several times since then, but never had the courage to speak or even say hello. He enrolled at Pacific High at the beginning of the school year, and she even saw him a few times in the halls, but he always made it a point to turn around when he saw her coming his way. Maybe it was better that way, for them to avoid each other, but it didn't stop her from wishing things could be different. She heard from Summer that Seth and Ryan had begun hanging out with the drama and art kids, and she wondered if he had found someone else, someone who wasn't messed-up like her. Imagining him with another girl broke her heart a little bit more, and she immediately removed the painful image from her mind.

The bell rang loudly, causing Marissa to jump up slightly in her seat. Avoiding another look from Summer, she shoved her book into her bag and walked out of the classroom, determined to stop thinking about Ryan Atwood once and for all.

---

"Okay, I got some greasy pizza, or some greasier chicken fingers. If we're lucky, we'll get really bad heartburn and the nurse will be forced to send us home early."

Ryan looked up from the picnic table to see Seth approaching with a tray piled high with food. It was the beginning of his second month here at Pacific High, and it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be. Most of his classes were just like the ones he took in Chino, but he found himself enjoying art the most. He spent most of his time sketching buildings and houses, and even Kirsten said that his designs showed some promise. He pretended like he didn't care what other people thought about his sketches, but he was secretly flattered every time someone said something good about them.

He grabbed a chicken finger and bit into it thoughtfully, thinking about how much his life had changed since arriving here in Orange County. He had managed to stay out of trouble for the remainder of the summer, and was still working part-time at the Crab Shack. He made some friends in his art classes and even hung out with them from time to time. _I guess it could be worse,_ he thought to himself,_ I could be in jail, or in the morgue._

The sound of feminine laughter interrupted Ryan's thoughts, causing him to turn his head in the direction of the pond. Then he saw her, sitting at the edge of her bench, playing with her food instead of laughing with her friends. He had seen Marissa several times since the start of the school year, but he studiously avoided her, thinking it would be the best thing to do, considering the circumstances. As expected, Luke returned to his normal, jackass self a few weeks after the shooting, and Ryan didn't want to get into any trouble here in Pacific High. The Cohens pulled a lot of strings to get him in here, and he didn't want to let them down again.

Still, he didn't think it would do any harm for him to keep looking at Marissa from a safe distance. He rarely thought about the last time they spoke in her hospital room, mostly because he still wasn't sure if he had done the right thing or not. His feelings for her hadn't changed; in fact, they only seemed to grow stronger, but he noticed that something was different about her. She hardly ever smiled anymore, and she always seemed deep in thought, like her mind was a million miles away from here. He heard from Seth that her mother had begun filing for a divorce, and he imagined that she was taking the news very badly. He wondered if she had anyone to talk to about all this, if Luke or Summer were at all sympathetic to her problems. For a brief moment, he longed to be able to talk to her again, to be that shoulder she could cry on, but she was right when she said two months ago that he was too late.

Seth noticed Ryan staring at Marissa across the pond, and shook his head in sympathy. Ryan never explained what happened that day in the hospital, and Seth never asked about it, thinking he would eventually open up in time. But two months had passed, and there was still no mention of Marissa or what they talked about behind closed doors. He wasn't too blind to see that Ryan had been miserable since that day, but it didn't look like Marissa was doing much better. Maybe he should talk to Summer… 

Thoughts of Summer brought a goofy smile to Seth's face almost automatically. Since the night of his grandfather's party, he and Summer had begun a tentative friendship, occasionally speaking in the halls and on the phone. She made it clear that no one could know about the kiss by the pool, but at least she was willing to address him in public now. 

With a plan formulating in his devious mind, Seth stood up from the table, knowing that Ryan wouldn't even notice that he was gone. He walked past the table where Summer and her friends often sat, making eye contact with her. He motioned for her to follow him into the cafeteria, and after a moment of hesitation, she reluctantly stood up and followed him in.

"What do you want, Cohen?" Summer hissed, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you can tear yourself away from the girl talk for a few minutes." Seth said jokingly, enjoying the look of death she was throwing his way. "I wanted to ask you something."

Summer rolled her eyes. "If you're asking me out on a date, don't even bother."

"I'm not that stupid, Summer. I was going to ask you how Marissa's doing." He saw something change in Summer's eyes, and he knew he was on to something.

Shock registered in Summer's eyes at Seth's question. "Oh, Coop? She's doing okay, I guess." She glanced quickly in Marissa's direction, wondering if she should voice her concerns to Seth. But she knew she could trust him. "I mean, she seems more distracted lately, and I don't know if things are okay with her and Luke. They're still an item and everything, but I don't think they see each other that often anymore. All she does is stay at home now."

Seth followed Summer's gaze, watching Marissa toy with her food. "Really? That's too bad… Actually, Ryan's not doing too well, either. He always seems out of it, like his mind is somewhere else."

"That's exactly what Marissa's like!" Summer exclaimed, "It's almost like she's sleepwalking half the time," she suddenly stopped, as though something just dawned on her. "You don't think it's because of…" Summer discreetly pointed at Ryan, who was still sitting by himself at the picnic table.

Seth shrugged, glad that Summer was drawing to the same conclusions. "I don't know, but I have a feeling it has something to do with what happened at the hospital when we visited her. I just wish they would talk to each other already. All that negative energy floating around my house is really starting to affect my chakra."

"God, Seth, you are _such_ a dork." Summer muttered, thinking of a way to help their respective friends. "Hey, maybe you guys could come to Holly's place this weekend. Her parentals are leaving town again, so she's having a little get together. Maybe we can get Marissa and Ryan to talk then."

Seth gave her a skeptical look. "I think it would do you some good to remember what happens every time Ryan and I go to Holly's place. If we're not getting punched in the gut, we're getting shot at."

"Whatever, smartass, I'd like to see you come up with a better idea. Besides, that guy with the gun isn't going to be there, so unless you decide to come packing heat, it should be okay. And I'll handle Luke and his friends. All those lunkheads need is a little alcohol and a little weed." Summer tone softened slightly, "I just want to help Marissa, that's all. You may not believe me, but she really is my best friend."

Seth nodded in agreement, "I want to help Ryan, too. So I guess it's settled then. I'll see you at Holly's?"

Summer shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure, see you there, Cohen. And try not to be such a geek."


End file.
